Musings of a 30th something

Is it OK to dump friends? I suppose I mean those people who exist in that shadowy area between friends and acquaintances. I have a friend from a project i worked on many years ago. I have known her 10 years; we speak on the phone perhaps every couple of months and see each other three to four times a year. The problem is I actually don't like her very much. She has a Titanic-sized ego. She rings me up to give me the flashy spec on the new jewels/designer clobber bought with her latest bonus. People have pointed out that she's lonely and that her boasting is a symptom of her insecurity. That doesn't make it any more palatable. Should I just cut this person out of my life or have the odd drink and notch it down to the duty of friendship?

Perhaps we're all a bit too sentimental and oversensitive about our friendships. Maybe all our lives would be enriched by social feng-shui. The advice given for clothes (if you haven't worn it for a year, chuck it) could well be applied to our fellow human beings.

Perhaps a long, hard look in our address books is in order. Just strike out the names of those you've felt no inclination to be in contact with for the preceding 12 months. We live in a speedy society; we don't have time or space for passengers. Christmas would be the ideal time ( whoops, a late epiphany!). Old-fashioned cards bearing proof that friends afar are thinking of you are a thing of the past. A perfect replacement would be a P45 to unwanted friends. 'Dear Mary: In our early twenties you were a good friend and we had some laughs. Unfortunately you no longer amuse me in any way. In the past year I haven't felt the slightest inclination to contact you and that one time we did meet up I found the whole encounter a bit of an effort. In the light of this I feel it would be a good idea to sever our friendship now so it won't hold us back as we speed on through our lives. The good times were really great. Wishing you a nice life.

Merry Christmas. Yours, etc.'

It might feel cruel at the time but compare that to the subsequent joy of having uncluttered your address book. After all, you'd be sending out congratulatory cards to others. 'Dear John: Well done. Our friendship survives another year intact and is as beneficial to both parties as ever. I hope you feel likewise and I look forward to seeing you soon.'

Let's be quite blunt here: successful 21st-century lives need streamlining, that's why everyone who can afford to - from the prime minister's wife down - seeks gurus to facilitate their pursuit of happiness, equilibrium and the right shoes. Friends for life are an old-fashioned concept dating back to a period when we waltzed gently towards old age. If you don't fit the profile, don't clutter up the answering machine. The more sensitive among us could volunteer for friendly euthanasia. 'I know I no longer interest you so I'd like to offer you this opportunity to remove me from your life. If you don't call back by 15 January, I'll consider you amputated from my list of friends.' Wouldn't life be so much simpler?

Of course, the easy option is to continue with the status quo. How difficult can it be to set aside three dates a year to see someone with whom you share a past?

Am I either bloody busy or bloody selfish to see meeting up a few times a year as such a chore. Aren't our lives merely the sum total of the experiences we've had, the friends and lovers we've encountered along the way?

Our lives can't be managed like a portfolio of assets, and friendships have their lulls and renaissances like everything else. Sure, my pal is a bit of an over-egoed bore, but I'm sure she has redeeming features. Nevertheless, it does one no harm I suppose to observe, encounter and humour all sorts of individuals. One day she might surprise me by being there when I least expect it... Or should I buy a large pair of hedge trimmers and get to work. There are probably all kinds of unnecessary flotsam lurking in those shadowy corners.