So, have been reading about the crisis many young professionals face around the time they turn 30 - especially women.... the subject of much discussion- infact the only discussion ( barring those about terrorism in the last few weeks and one sabout gardens and bathroom cabinets.. and oh my personal fav about how to keep ceramic hobs and stainless steel kitchen fittings clean....) of late has been about the difference between us and our mothers...rather than being the article in womens glossies, this topic is hitting every corporate/ hr website, Time and Fortune magazine and the topic of many blogs...

Our expectations of how far we could go -- and should go -- as women are rooted in a very different set of cultural assumptions from those of our mothers...

"Life does not have an obligation to give you what you expect."

Wise words - but something I think we tend to forget... until now, most of us have been operating on the assumption that we could be X -- if only we were good enough. Sure, "right place, right time" might help, but in our minds, success is about drive and merit. And we have that part nailed. After all, we've been in Girl Power boot camp since we could walk! How many times have we heard the " empowerment, anything is possible mantra?

But however well intentioned the sentiment, it overlooked some roadblocks still looming in our future, leaving us with no one to blame but ourselves when things don't go according to our carefully constructed plans.

Am I the only one who feels like the rules keep changing?is a Midlife Crisis at 30, our collective attempt to regain our emotional footing???

Talking with friends on holiday recently, after a night out ( where most people were averaging an age of about 23 while we were averaging about 32!)... we got talking about how our share price is falling!! . We were all considered hot prospects during out 20;s - damn me if I don't feel a bit like Bridget Jones now... not because I have an issue with the way I live my life . but because society still seems to wrinkle an eyebrow at us... As friends start to couple up and get married, it suddenly becomes a lot harder to meet good men. The cool apartments in east/ west london we're still struggling to afford no longer feel glamorous -- they just seem annoyingly small and lonely.... when did a shoe box ever seem glamourous?

Books for single women talk about how to find a man... my personal favourite is the " sit in a hotel lobby until you see the look of someone you like"... are single successful career women reduced to offering their services like ... well you know what I was going to say? And is it really true that men are intimidated by successful women? and is it really that wrong to want to give up your successful career and all those things you have worked for.... ?

So,here I am... beginning to long for a home with more than 2 rooms... and a garden ( must be those conversations about ponds...!) And the same parents who once encouraged me to live an independent life are now calling me to quote scary stats from an article they read about in some magazine, that 8 percent of women earning £ 50,000 or more marry for the first time after 30; only 3 percent of that group marry after 35.

And, just when I need a little help from our Friends, the empowered characters that saw me through school,university and beyond have also moved on.... Rachel had Ross's baby.. and gave up a career in paris to come back to him, and Monica and Chandler adopted... . Vogue devoted an issue to motherhood, complete with a cover photo of a supermodel holding her toddler son.., maternity clothes for Sarah Jessica Parker were making headlines, and the Olsen twins ( yes those little american twins from cheesy sitcom with cute john stamos in 1980 something) outranked female hotshots on the Fortune and Forbes power lists.

Bridget Jones and her singledom is suddenly about as passé as shoulder pads.. though leg warmers are back in!!

and back to the topic of new job and same old issues... while old-school rules of corporate hierarchy have loosened up, they haven't gone away, and once you hit a certain rung on the ladder, they kick back in with a vengeance in a variety of subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Thus, many of my friends who are women, who signed up for a decade of 12-hour days with hopes that it would all pay off soon, are finding themselves slamming into a wall of corporate politics they never anticipated.

Although not everyone is gunning to have fancy title or senior position by 30 ( Infact like me, have a crisis when they do???) , the pressure to be ensconced within some kind of clearly defined career path by your early thirties is nearly universal. It may be socially acceptable to spend time searching for a professional calling during your twenties, but after 30, that grace period ends fast. I would think there were others like me who have been trying on different careers since graduation - but now feeling an anxious urgency to find one that fits.....and not sure that the one they have does...

events which have happened in the last year or so certianly in the last few weeks, have created an emotional impact that has undoubtedly contributed to my ( and my friends) urgent and collective desire to make sense of our lives. In dramatic ways, a generation of individuals became schooled in collective failure and loss as we confronted an abrupt economic downturn and the events of September 11, July 7th and all that will come after it .

Irrespective of personal choices, neuroses, fears, or regrets, I am beginning to realise that at the same time that it is time to get down to the very serious business of getting over myself if I intend to make a contribution that matters.